How to Lose a Girl…Instantly.

Caption: Anastasia was through making out with Ian.  He was never going to change.

From, “Bitter with Baggage Seeks Same” this card given to me from Melissa for my birthday.

Let’s kick off 2011 with some laughs, shall we?

My true stories.

How to Lose a Girl…Instantly. Because 10 years of dating will conjure up some amazing stories.

  • Ask a girl on the first date how often she reads her bible.
  • Within the first week, tell her the reason(s) the other girls before her kicked you to the curb.
  • Talk about your ex, like, all the time.
  • Joke about how your dad jokes about you being potentially gay.
  • Tell her after paying for dinner that she’s either a “cheap date” or even better, dating her is “expensive.”
  • Open the car door for her when she gets in, but don’t close it so she practically falls out of the car trying to grab the door to shut it.
  • Grab the booth and have her take the chair.
  • Order a sugary drink then tell her that you’re diabetic and you need to excuse yourself to go to the bathroom to give yourself a shot of insulin.
  • Drop her off at her house but don’t watch her to make sure she gets in so she’s stuck outside for a half hour at 11 p.m.
  • When sharing food, make sure you take all the good stuff.  The best piece of the pizza, all the fruit and make sure that you have an “even” amount or she has a smaller portion because well, she eats less. She’s a girl.
  • Introduce your best guy friend to one of her girlfriends and say that if gay marriage was legal, you’d both be married to each other.
  • Complain about getting a photo radar ticket on the way to her house and how you can’t afford it.
  • Talk constantly about how broke you are.
  • Give your girlfriend a vacuum for Valentine’s Day , and don’t even wrap it.  Oh, and get one that requires a vacuum bag.
  • Be “best friends” with a guy who cyber stalks your girlfriend’s Facebook profile every day inquiring about every single girl in every photo with her so your buddy can get potential dates from her connections.
  • Ask her why she’s so excited about every thing in life and tell her she’s acting like a 15 year old.
  • Tell her how to spend (or not to spend) her money.
  • Go shopping with her and every time she shows you something she has loved for a long time, point at something else and tell her that version is better.
  • After meeting each one of her friends, tell her how you could or couldn’t see yourself dating them and how long it would last.

Please tell me you have some awesome dating stories too so I’m not alone…

Here’s to a new year of dating!  Alright!

Diana Elizabeth says bad dates make for awesome stories.  And, she knows she’s not perfect just like the guys she dates and she’s done a heck of a lot of silly things too.  She might make a list on herself.  We’ll see.

Diana Elizabeth is an author, photographer, and obsessive antique shopper. You can typically find her in her garden wrist deep in dirt, at a local estate sale or planning her next epic party.


  • Sara

    I should really make a list as well. That was entertaining. How about a guy who doesn’t tell you his age when he asks you out but then shows up at your house with a motorcycle, with no back seat so he borrows a towel from you to sit on, then asks if he can go to Costco first to get a membership for him and his 19 year old daughter. Then, to not be a jerk, I go and he is trying to impress me by saying he is going to buy a huge tv that what,…I am supposed to hold on the back of his motorcyle? sigh. Good times.

  • Sarah Federico

    i have a low threshold for b.s. so they never made it past date 2 or 3 if i could smell even a WHIFF of it. but i have another one: bring another girl that you are dating (um, we’re dating other people?) into my place of work. oh, the wooing.

  • Brenna

    hahaha I’m pretty sure I can name each of these guys.


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