Dear John

Dear John Mayer,

I heard you were sick after my friend Lie Shia posted this article on my Facebook wall a few days ago.

1) I am sad that you are sick because this has caused you to…
2) Cancel your tour which I was so looking forward to which now means…
3) I cannot get a new I (heart) JM shirt because my current one really needs to be replaced because it has become raggedy…
4) I am also, still sad, that can’t tweet at you @johncmayer because you deleted your profile.

What am I going to do?   Now I am definitely dreaming with a broken heart.  I hope you get better soon.

Love, your #1 obsessed girlfriend fan,
Diana

P.S.  Can you maybe just bump up the latest release of your upcoming album?  May 22 seems awfully far away…

P.P.S. Oh yeah, and make sure you stay away from drugs.  If you have an Elvis death I am seriously going to be upset at you for like, ever.  And I am not kidding.

Diana Elizabeth may have to just buy a new John Mayer shirt online.  Inside her camera roller bag is a John Mayer sticker.  It’s the heartbreak hotel album sticker.  Yep.