I joke that this is our new couple’s logo. Coming to stationery near you.
“You can lose an awful lot by “winning” a marital argument. Seek to understand, not win.” – Gary Thomas
Shared to me by my friend Krystal, visit her blog, it’s amazing.
My husband and I have never fought. Well duh, you’re probably thinking, you’ve only been together for a year and married for six months. Well, think about this – every relationship I’ve ever been in, a fight surfaces within the first three months (and I’ll also tell you that men can often be way more dramatic or bullheaded than women). Mr. Wonderful and I might have different opinions (like the time he wanted to get married in Vegas to elope, or wanting to rip out all the grass in the yard and replace it with desert landscaping), but I would at most call them disagreements, we never fought over anything.
Our voices have never been raised. I’ve never cried from what he’s said. He doesn’t crush my spirit. We’ve never called each other names. I’ve never run out of the house because I couldn’t stand him.
I never really understood that type of relationship – the kind where you truly are kind and respectful to one another because well, I’ve never really respected a man before I met my husband. To be completely honest, none deserved to be respected with the way they spoke or treated me. And when you find yourself constantly defending yourself, and you aren’t being nurtured and treated in a kind and loving way, it’s difficult to give that back in that type of an environment.
Last week I had asked Mr. Wonderful for feedback on something, I don’t even recall what it was.
“I don’t know babe, everything you do I think is great,” he said.
“If you’re looking for some criticism I won’t give it to you. My role is to encourage you and give you praise. You might want to ask someone else.”
I’m not saying that the perfect relationship doesn’t have its struggles. But, I’m certain that the right one shouldn’t have so many, especially early on or continually. When we were engaged I had asked Mr. Wonderful what he thought our first fight would be over.
“Sweetie, I don’t ever want to fight with you,” he answered.
And, I never want to fight with him. Case closed.
Diana Elizabeth begins her Marketing Momentum: Kickstart Your Photography Busuiness online class tomorrow (Wed)! It’s for those who want to go full-time or market and start charging for their photography business. It’ll be great because Mr. Wonderful actually decided to move out of the shared office and into the guest room. Perhaps to avoid fights.
krystal says
This is so sweet, Di! I have to say, in the disagreements at our house where voices are raised, it is always mine. Eeek. I am still learning to control my tongue! And tone. And volume. And…
lol! We didn’t fight or raise voices until we had been together for well over a year, maybe two. And even now those “fights” we have are few and far between. And I never remember what they were about! We don’t disagree on any big/important decisions, so it’s always the little stuff that absolutely doesn’t matter! Like you said, the right relationship shouldn’t have so many. It shouldn’t be the basis of communication. Life is much sweeter when you are sweeter to your spouse!
And if you change your perspective when the bickering starts, that will help tremendously. Because there will be issues, we all begin to grow on and annoy each other, just like family :) I always got so upset that B left his shoes out all over the place. It irritated me so much! I have a place for everything, even my dust bunnies hahaha, and so seeing them not put away bugged me (only after we were married and I was living with him). Anyway, I’d find myself getting into a sour mood or nagging him about it and one day I realized, if anything ever happened to him, I’d give ANYTHING to be able to see his shoes all over. That means he’s there. And leaving shoes out isn’t a sin so I can’t really be mad at him for it! So now I see it as a sign that there is a man I deeply love, my best friend, who shares a home with me. And I love it! That helped with so many other areas, too, so when annoying times come, just remember that those will be the things you’ll want back if God forbid, anything happened.
krystal says
Oh and I just came across this great quote of many from my fav author, Gary Thomas:
“You can lose an awful lot by “winning” a marital argument. Seek to understand, not win.”
Another great perspective in marriage! And also to remember that you have your spouse to serve them, not the other way around.
Mailinh Nguyen says
I love how you share tidbits of your life and perspective on married life. Makes me hopeful for the future. Thank you. :)
Sheila says
I love it! Your love inspires me and confirms in my heart that God is so faithful. :)
Sheila says
P.S. Krystal’s blog is awesome!
krystal says
Aw, thanks Sheila!!! <3