Healing After a Broken Engagement

Healing after a broken engagement
^^ Home with my beloved pup Paris, over Thanksgiving weekend when I was supposed to be on my honeymoon. Feeling like I was living a double life, present in one spot but my mind in another.

I never intended to publicly share my story about my broken engagement, a wedding called off three weeks before the wedding. But what if finally sharing it could heal? That’s all I want. That is the entire point of this post. And with my husband’s blessing and the encouragement of my friends, here we go as I share tips on healing after a broken engagement. 

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOUR ENGAGEMENT IS CALLED OFF? HOW DO YOU HEAL, FORGIVE, HANDLE THE BROKEN HEART AND HOW DO YOU MOVE ON?
DO I THINK ABOUT IT TODAY MARRIED?

 

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"In this book, Diana uses her own story of pain to build a bond with her audience concerning a topic that has been minimized and misunderstood by much of the counseling community. I commend her for her transparency and honesty. She steps out of the shadows and extends a hand of friendship to women who will find someone who truly understands their pain. I hope this book will be the beginning of a healing journey from shame and rejection to an awakening of hope and confidence for many women."

My Broken Engagement:

The night he called off the wedding


It was October 30, I remember because the next night was Halloween. He came over and I had just come out of the shower, semi-wet hair, thick glasses on, and ready to finalize wedding plans which was three weeks away.

I walked down the stairs to meet him in the living room, and there he was. Then he said it. He couldn’t do it any longer.

After on and off again for two years and his cries to come begging and saying he was ready to get married. Even while engaged, there were a few moments when he would freakout, and he voiced hesitations without reason. And there we were again in that moment, me and him, him once again leaving me, like clock work, three weeks before the wedding.

Obviously deposits were nonrefundable. Time and emotions were nonrefundable – nothing was refundable at this point. After questioning why he came back at all claiming it was God who told him to marry me, he coldly stated he changed his mind and he believed marriage was a choice and responded with, “I unchoose you.”

At that very moment, I felt like my entire being died – if hearts could shatter into a million pieces, mine certainly did just that. I may have begged him to stay, to change his mind, I know I wanted to, but I don’t know if I actually did because I felt like it was a blur, like I almost blacked out. Those hurtful words were my reality as it set in and those words cut my heart into pieces.  I knew what he said was permanent, and unchangeable, and I could and would never shake them from my mind. I wish I never heard it but at the same time, it was what I needed to hear to realize I had no choice in this decision and I had to move on.

“Unchoosing” me would haunt me for the rest of my life even if we did work out – so it was done.

That night, it was so fuzzy. I was trying to navigate my feelings of panic, anger, pain, yet trying to be coherent realizing these very last moments would be the last I’d ever spend with him. It was bittersweet, I wanted to savor it but I had such a broken heart and I also wanted to be strong and not be dramatic knowing that this is how he would remember these last moments with me.

Very few words were exchanged from how he’d probably regret his decision for the rest of his life, to me asking him, why, to eventually him telling me, “I love you” as he walked out the door out of my life. I uttered, “I love you too,” and so very badly wish I hadn’t.  I wish I said, “No, you don’t, this isn’t love,” but I didn’t, because I did love him and in those fleeting moments, sometimes you can’t help but speak your truth. Broken as I was, I hated him and loved him at the same time.

I fell into my best friend’s arms sobbing that night. She had come through the door at the tail end. I don’t know how I slept that night, but I did. Then another best friend came as I was passed along to the next to make sure I wasn’t alone. I couldn’t be alone.

I was lifeless for months after. A complete zombie trying to survive. I felt numb. I never wanted to be with anyone more in my entire life than him – for so many years, through all the on and off again drama. I cried so hard one night I gave myself a bloody nose. I screamed out loud from the pain in my heart that I was afraid my neighbors would call the cops thinking I was getting murdered. I dropped to almost 100 lbs. I’m 5’8″.

Every day felt like I was living a double life. Though I was physically at work when I should have been in Palm Springs for the wedding. I was at my friend’s apartment when I should have been walking down the aisle. It was hard going home for Thanksgiving when I planned to be in Fiji and so on – but once the calendar passed the planned days together – the day we’d return from the planned honeymoon (which he never booked), my life felt like it was mine again. But it took a village to get me there, to help me heal and forgive.

Need a support group?

Find the private link in the back of the book. 400+ members sharing stories and offering support.

In Repair: A Guide to Healing from a Broken Engagement 

Available on Amazon.com 

Listen on audible, download on Kindle, or order or a paperback copy now.

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⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ #1 book for helping with broken engagements! Buying this book is a MUST!!! Within days of a broken engagement, I desperately searched for something to help me get through this excruciating heartbreak. This book was my salvation! Diana Elizabeth had virtually the same experience that I am going through now. I immediately read the entire book and while I am still in the healing process, I often find myself going back to the book (especially the emergency chapters) when I feel my emotions getting the best of me. Diana Elizabeth and her book is that friend who you can turn to because she has been exactly where you are. She is the encouragement that your spirit needs to keep your head up high. Her insertion of scripture and prayer in each chapter reminds me that HE is here and I am not alone.

THE NORMAL FEELINGS AFTER A broken engagement


It’s unlike any other breakup on any level – you really did love that person, you said yes you would marry them. You had dreams and had visions that lasted to the end of your days – there was a promise made they would be secure, a wedding was scheduled. There was a dress (or suit) to wear, songs to be played and a honeymoon to discover.  An engagement to you meant a commitment to marry, you already felt like you were married and just waiting for the official day. You put your mind and your heart in that space, you were there, it was done. But suddenly, you find that dream disappeared, that person is now a stranger.

I never saw the Sex and the City movie, friends referred to it when I went though the dark time and when I did watch the movie later, I cried. When there is a scene of abandonment, it will make my eyes swell – because I know that feeling, so know that I know how you feel at this very moment.

Although I have fully moved on from the heartache, I still remembered it. To this day, I still can, but not to the same powerful extent as that actual moment, so I hope you find peace knowing that. Feeling it doesn’t mean I still care about it, but it’s trauma and trauma is a big deal. What I can tell you is, you will not continue to hurt like you do this very moment forever, I promise. You will be able to feel empathy for those going through it as I do and you are the reason I share my story in hopes to tell you as a friend, you will be OK. Your heart will heal, and you will move forward and you will absolutely, positively be happy again. Let me help you process these feelings and remind you there is hope.

When your wedding is called off, every day leading to those important days are confusing. You feel like you’re in a daze, denial. It doesn’t seem real, it’s humiliating, you feel abandoned. 

You might be experiencing the following thoughts or feelings and I want to give a little encouragement about them.

  • You feel disappointed in yourself

    as if you made the wrong decision, and you should have seen it coming but you didn’t. The pain will literally bring you down to your knees. But you didn’t know a broken engagement was coming or else you would have never said yes. Don’t blame yourself or be embarrassed. This has nothing to do with you.

  • You feel like you are living a double life,

    the wrong life. You would be or should be doing ____ but you’re not, you’re doing something you shouldn’t be doing solo. But life goes on, and the path you are going down will be beautiful you can’t even imagine but have faith. If I survived and found my happy ending, you will too.

  • I had to get real.

    The burning words, “I unchoose you,” meant he had time to decide and move on sooner than I did. When I heard those words I thought, well then, I unchoose you back. And I had to teach my heart that love is a choice and that I had to detach my heart from that person. If someone has walked away from you then s/he has already moved on, and that is the reality to know that deposits, money, they would sacrifice all of that to not be with you – harsh. Fine, then if it’s time for you to be strong and move forward without them.

  • The mornings were the worst.

    As John Mayer sings in Dreaming with a Broken Heart, “When you’re dreaming with a broken heart / The waking up is the hardest part / You roll outta bed and down on your knees / And for the moment you can hardly breathe…” I truly felt like I dreamt with a broken heart, I had changed my social media status to that exact line. I applauded myself when I got into bed that I had survived another day, and waking up in the morning was discouraging realizing I had to triumph through another full day – until one day, it didn’t feel like survival any longer and with each morning came new curiosities and hope. One day you will wake up excited for the possibilities.

  • The nights were lonesome.

    At night silence sets in and thoughts can wander. However I would be on the phone or be with people until I was tired. Then I would journal. I would pray and I would read God’s word and his promises. And I would also pray for my ex and then give thanks for a day closer to healing. Always close the night with a thankful heart. Your heart may feel broken, but don’t go to bed angry, find your silver lining and say a prayer for yourself to heal. If you feel like you need a friend, I wrote a book that is available on Audible (so it can be as if I’m speaking to you), or download it immediately on Kindle now. Find it here on Amazon. You can leave the book on your nightstand and reach for it when those nights are hard. I’ll meet you in the pages.

  • I chose to be inspired by other married couples. 

    I always noticed when a man had a wedding ring – especially when I’d be sitting on a plane watching people find their seat. It was stem out of curiosity. I would see it and think, He made a commitment, he didn’t chicken out and change his mind. There are men who can commit. He decided he couldn’t live a day without his wife and married her, I want to find a man who will love me like that!  I also became a wedding photographer six months later. I loved weddings and my heart found hope through witnessing couples on their day say forever – it encouraged me that one day, I would find it and my clients helped me heal by sharing their special day and moments with me.

Please remember it is far better that a man knows that he cannot marry you on this side of the wedding than after and he leaves.

While you can rightfully feel angry and sad, there is so much to be thankful for when a man can acknowledge that he cannot on this side of a wedding date, rather than change his mind later. You do not want to drag a man down the aisle. If you can find the silver lining in that, it may help with perspective – in time.

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Also remember people are watching and your story, healing of hope, can bring comfort to others one day. I had four women reach out to me who went through breakups and wanted to know how I got through it. Coffee meetings, phone calls, prayers, it was an honor to share how I healed and how God helped me through it. And here I am today connecting with you in this post hoping that this post can bring you comfort and I am sending you a virtual hug. I hate that you are going through this heartbreak but I promise, you will survive and you will find your happy ending.

If you are struggling on how to answer questions about what happened, here’s a post I wrote about that. You can say as little or as much as you want, we are all different in how we express ourselves and ask for help.

5 star reviews on Amazon
In Repair: A Guide to Healing from a Broken Engagement

Available in audible, Kindle, and paperback

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ An absolute must for anyone going through a broken engagement. At a time in my life when I felt so alone in my pain, her book could not have come at a better time. As I was reading, I felt I had a best friend who understood me and who knew how to help me with the emotions I was going through. Diana is eloquent and empowering. She writes in a way to where you feel at ease through your struggles. Her story will give you hope through the pain and grief. This is the only book I could find which specifically targeted and understood each of the emotions of grief in a broken engagement and it helps give you the tools to work through each of them. I can say it has helped me heal tremendously and I have!
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Amy

7 Healing chapters
13 Emergency Chapters

In Repair: A Guide to Healing from a Broken Engagement 

Available on Amazon.com

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⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 5-stars on Amazon

HOW TO HEAL after A broken engagement


  1. Book a massage(s).

    Touch is healing. I almost cried when a massage started, my throat had a frog in it and tears nearly filled my eyes. A massage felt like a hug. I just needed to feel embraced, loved and the power of touch is truly healing. Get as many massages as you need.

  2. Have a photoshoot.

    I had booked a makeup artist who was also a talented photographer and since we had the deposit already paid he suggested we finished with a photoshoot instead. He wanted to lift my spirits and it really did. It made me feel beautiful and I had a new Facebook profile photo that made me feel gorgeous. Thank you Michael Franco. (Old photos, tiny brows haha)

  3. Write it out.

    I had a diary that I started to write in again – actually I wrote in it a lot during that relationship (so much drama and pain), and I continued to write, my writing turned from bashing the relationship to praising God and asking him to forgive and heal my heart and free me from the emotions I was feeling.

  4. Seek counseling.

    I wanted to heal the correct way, not the fastest way, so I sought biblical counseling to make sure I forgave correctly. Forgiveness is an ongoing process, but doing so releases so much anger and sadness. Put yourself first and seek counseling so you can be a better person and heal right for your future husband/wife and self. Don’t forget to forgive yourself.

  5. Seek God. 

    Know what you believe in – do you believe God is in control? That He loves you and cares for you? Then trust that he allowed this to happen for a reason you will never know, or perhaps one day know. If you have faith then show the world, show all all of mankind the strength of your faith and get up and worship the Lord. If David can praise God after the death of his baby, you can get up and worship the Lord.

  6. Join a support group. 

    It was hard to find a support group when I went through my broken engagement, or anyone who could relate. You are here and so have tens of thousands over the years – you are NOT alone. Join our private Facebook group (over 400) in it who regularly engage, share trials and their triumphs. The link is in the back of the broken engagement book under “references”

  7. Get up and show up.

    Two days later I had to co-host a baby shower. I did it. I got up and after I cried upon arrival, then I took a shower at my friends place and got dressed and put on a smile and celebrated her. I removed myself and put my situation outside of myself and put my friend first. It won’t take away the sadness but it will take your mind off your problems for a few minutes.

  8. Think with your brain and not your heart.

    Without getting into too many unnecessary personal details, find your strength – especially if legal documents are being mailed, threats are being made that may need to be used in court. Don’t immediately respond – take a day or two. Seek wisdom and counsel, and stand your ground. Be in control, pause before answering if at all, and think wisely with your head and not your emotions. If finances are involved, seek counsel and do not act compulsively.

  9. Be kind to yourself.

    So one person decided he didn’t want to marry you. I know you thought he was our everything, but his actions prove he is not. Let him go. Not all is loss, it’s just one man’s opinion that you aren’t a fit for him. Well if he decided you weren’t a fit for him, then he isn’t a fit for you! You will find there will be more suitors and may you find a man who cannot live a day without you – that’s the man you want to be with. Look at yourself in the mirror and know you are a treasure and have a lot to offer and don’t let any unkind thoughts enter your mind. You are a precious child of God. There is nothing wrong with you. One day you will meet someone who won’t want you to change one bit. (More on this later in the post, I have a very serious talk with you about reassuring you that there is NOTHING wrong with you).

  10. Go shopping.

    Screw saving for that wedding. It’s done. Go shopping and buy the date clothes, the sunglasses, the jewelry – you spend it on yourself and worry about the rest later. Go on the vacation with your friends, you treat yourself! But don’t cut your hair, trust me – if you need change, get hair extensions instead. *wink*

  11. Write a letter to your future husband.

    I wrote a letter to my future husband when I was 21 and waiting to meet him. I almost gave that letter to the wrong person! I thankfully secured it and kept it. But I wrote an updated letter at age 27. If you haven’t written one yet, why not? Tell him how you are feeling and how excited you are to meet him and all the things you know about him. It will give you hope and remind yourself what you are looking for – the right person deserves that letter!

  12. Immerse yourself into a hobby. 

    I turned my hobby of photography into a businesses. I poured my time and passion into this hobby which eventually became my full-time job. I wouldn’t be where I am without the heartbreak.  You can use this energy of pain and put it toward a passion that will heal and inspire you! You can even serve others who are in need, a food bank, shelter, love on others, it will in return heal your heart.

  13. Don’t avoid those “special” places.

    Your table, that restaurant, that concert, those spots with memories – do not avoid them. GO again go back and do so immediately with your friends and make new memories. This way you can quickly move past that painful memory. Order that special appetizer, sing to that artist. Claim those spots as your own and eventually new memories will override the former ones. You will forget that you and so-and-so even had a favorite table or item on the menu.

Remember – The night that he broke up with you was the best night of your future husband’s life.

Don’t blame yourself for the broken engagement


I also want to encourage you to always love well. Love fiercely and if you did that, then you have no regret. It is so painful to go through a broken engagement and feel abandoned, and if anything I’m glad that I chose to love fully, unconditionally and I did my part. I didn’t create heartbreak, abandon someone or mislead another person – I stayed truthful, committed and THAT is and will always be my character.

It doesn’t mean enduring abuse or staying with someone who doesn’t love you as you deserve, or who doesn’t respect you – it’s about loving fully, knowing you gave it a go, and then realizing that if you do need to walk away, you can move ahead and learn to love what’s good for you.

And sometimes, when the fog clears we can look back and see that maybe that person, and that relationship wasn’t as perfect. Maybe there were flags, but maybe, someone higher up saw that you deserved better, you deserve to be loved as a child of God and treated better than you were being treated and He intervened.

Maybe, there is someone out there who is a better match. I bet there is.

keep going broken relationship advice quote how to heal

If you are wondering how to answer questions about the breakup, I know the confusion and pain – read this blog post about how I think is best to approach answering these questions or telling your guests.

Don’t try to overthink oR analyze what happened

What I want you to remember as your heart heals – There is nothing is wrong with you and there is nothing you should have changed or something you should not or could have done to avoid this happening.

I had to add this in because I know you are thinking what if you just didn’t fight, or didn’t say that, or only did more of this – maybe this could have all been prevented. I thought the same. I also thought this when I got in a car crash when I was 16, if only I had stopped to tie my shoe that wasn’t untied. Or if I went to the bathroom before I got in the car.

The reality is some things are out of our control. If you had to carefully watch what you said or how you expressed yourself, whether it was good or bad, or disagreed, or anything at all, it wouldn’t have mattered. It still would have been wrong or come to this point either now, or later. Because you see, this had nothing to do with YOU.

You should be free to be you, good bad, ups downs and trials should be worked on together. The thing is, whatever the problem may have been, that person left and that’s not your life partner. That’s not your team player you are looking for – marriage isn’t about perfect days it’s about all of the days, good, bad and living life together one day at a time as YOU are. Don’t hitch your wagon to one with a broken wheel, or doesn’t know where its steering.

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Dating again after a broken engagement

I didn’t date again for about six months until I was set up. I wouldn’t suggest dating right away. If your heart isn’t healed, it isn’t. What’s the point? You’ll only cause more heartache and you won’t be moving forward. Don’t put a bandaid over it – you need to make sure you heal properly. There is no rush to move on or be in a relationship – life is not a contest.

I once cried after a date that went slightly wrong because I was still heartbroken. I wrote about it in an emergency chapter in my book (available on Amazon) because I’m sure some of you might go through similar feelings after a first date. It took time to not cry after a date because I still desired to be with my ex, it’s always a desire to be in the last relationship you were in because you romanticize it – even if the relationship had its flaws. We often romanticize what it was during the good times, or what we wish it could have been.

My heart wasn’t healed yet, and I was tired so and so many dates just brought me pain. I also cried after a very short-lived relationship only because I was disappointed and didn’t want to date yet again (I never cried over him or missed that guy).

Dating again was difficult in the beginning. When you were so close to getting married, you looked forward to the lifestyle of settling down, and nights on the couch watching movies and making dinner. I get it – now you have to get out there again.

But you MUST get out there again. And remember, dating is fun! It really is, once you find the right person it’ll be so fun.

how soon to date again after broken engagement

I would suggest allowing yourself time to heal, but go on dates. Yes it can be annoying because you want to get to that comfortable settle down level because you were so close, but I promise when it’s the right person, it’s fun, it’s like being with your best friend. You will find someone who will make you laugh and fall in love again. So get out there when you feel ready but give yourself grace if you come back with a broken heart, totally normal. One day, you will come back from a first date and be excited!

When I met my Husband

I am so grateful for what happened. At the time it felt like my world was crashing down but over the months, I healed.  However even today I would never brush off that experience as something that I could easily overcome or like any breakup because it wasn’t. To this very day I would tell you it was traumatic for me, it was raw and real for me – but I am still grateful it happened.

I grew from this experience. I went to biblical counseling — and my counselor blessed me with writing the foreword to my book 10 years later! I had to continually work on moving forward. Forgiveness took time, for things that were done over time and I had to forgive when it wasn’t asked (I never spoke to him again, he never said he was sorry, you can read the entire story in a chapter in my book). That was difficult, you expect kindness or communication when you spend that much time with someone or thought they once loved you – but you don’t always get what you think you deserve.

I wouldn’t be where I am today if it weren’t for that broken engagement, the harsh words of being told you’ve been unchosen, or the drama that continued even after all was said and done. Mourning isn’t something to be embarrassed about.  Through loss and changes is how we change as people and the direction of our lives change, for the better.

Life is perfect, today with my friends and my husband I am the best version of me. I wouldn’t have become a photographer, or a blogger, I would not be living out my passions that have been encouraged by the people surround me, nor have experiences of traveling the world, or being here at this very moment connecting with you over this small sliver in my life that changed the course of my life – to where I am now.

I am so in love with the life I almost didn’t have.

For years I hated the broken engagement was part of my testimony, a permanent part of my written story of my life. I hated that, I really struggled. But my situation brought hope to others over the years and if you get to know me, I believe I exist to encourage and now, I published a book trying to help others navigate through the emotions of a broken engagement that has reached hundreds on Amazon. If you need a friend to walk you through this, I’ll meet you in the pages of my book and hundreds more will meet you in our private Facebook group.

dating again after broken engagement

Finding our happy ending or knowing “why” will take time. I met Mr. Wonderful a year and a half later (and married 6 months after our first date – read how we met here). I remember watching him from the cabin in Sedona as our wedding photographer took his portraits before our first look. That moment will forever be in my mind, my heart burst out of my chest and my eyes filled with tears and I said to myself – This is the man, that’s him! This is who God had for you. This is your husband who can’t live a day without you who has showed up because he wants to be with you forever! God knew this day was coming!  That wedding day was what was waiting for me on the other side of that broken heart.

My businesses took off and I prospered in so many ways with riches in friendship and creativity and freedom! It all worked out in the most perfect way – my husband is truly who I was meant to be with and searching for my entire life. Had I known he was waiting for me, along with this career, these friends, this church, and the life experiences I’ve had, I would hug myself and said there, there, right around the corner a better life and love awaits. Just be patient. And that’s what I’m saying to you – there, there, right around the corner a better life and love awaits. Just be patient. I have also seen many broken hearts “graduate” from our Facebook support group and get married and are now expecting! 

How to heal after a broken engagement or called off wedding / Healing after a broken engagement

Like my friend Kim told me, “That night that he broke up with you, was the best night of your future husband’s life.” Mine too.

And I truly believe that one day, you will believe it was yours too. Keep your head up and one day, write me back and tell me it all worked out like just like I said it would.

Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. – Psalm 126:5

Begin your healing journey today

A broken engagement is complex. You were at the ultimate high point of love—planning your dream wedding and future—and, suddenly, the dreams disappeared. It is unlike those people who had a marriage dissolve—who wore the dress, said the I do’s, cut the cake and lived a married life for a few years. They got to experience marriage. They got to have the wedding, the first home, the relationship (whether perfect or not), while an engaged person dreamt of it, romanticized it, and set their future on that picture-perfect life. When that expectation of a perfect future suddenly dissolves, picking up the pieces turns into a nightmare.

I understand you. Let’s talk about it, and let’s talk about how you will pick yourself right back up, piece by piece, and push forward, little by little. You will, and I will help you. And so will God, whether you know Him right now, or not.

I’ll meet you in the pages and new friends will meet you in the private support group.

Available on Audible, Kindle and paperback versions

Empowering Broken Heart playlist on Spotify

 

This post has been updated from its original publish date of March 6, 2018.

Diana Elizabeth is an author, photographer, and obsessive antique shopper. You can typically find her in her garden wrist deep in dirt, at a local estate sale or planning her next epic party.

278 Comments

  • Amy

    Hi Diana, thank you for sharing your story, it has brought light into my day. I was engaged to my girlfriend of 6 years for about 3 months. We had chosen the venue, sent the Save The Dates, and recently traveled together to my home country to have an engagement celebration with family and friends. I had been living some months of happiness and love, felt like this was my person, and had built a home and a life together with our cat. 3 days after coming back from celebrating in my home country, I found out she had recently cheated on me. It was so painful and felt out of the blue. To my understanding, she had always been loyal. And doing this while we were deciding to share our lives together felt like a huge betrayal and made me doubt the realness of our whole story. After all the pain and heartbreak from the cheating, she finally told me she had been having doubts about our relationship and that she didn’t want to be with me. She unchose me as well. This brought many more pain and feelings of rejection and abandonment on top of the betrayal. It has been a dark couple of weeks since it all ended. I’ve been feeling more pain than ever. It’s hard to do any minor tasks but I’ve also found little healing moments by connecting to myself, my faith, my family, and my friends. I’ve also felt like a bandage has been taken off my eyes. I have been able to see that I was accommodating to her to make her fit into my person. As painful as this is I know I will only come out stronger and it brings me hope to see you thriving after all. So thank you! May we all heal from this together.

    • Diana Elizabeth

      Hi Amy, there is so much power when you feel like the scales have been removed from your eyes. I hope that it brings you reassurance that this was meant to happen for a reason. You seem to have such a wonderful positive outlook :) Best wishes for healing, finding joy and finding the right partner for you!

  • Em

    absolutely broken because my fiancé left me through a text. In despair I tried to call him and he denied every call. It was my fault truly. I changed myself too much for him. I also tried to forgive him for pain he had caused me in the past but that pain always came back to haunt me and tell me I would never be enough. I would break down often and feel like he would cause that pain again at any moment and I would be full of insecurity. He had enough of it , enough of me and left me. I know shouldn’t have morphed for him at all and I don’t think I ever felt like he truly loved me for me but I never wanted to give up on him. I kept believing he would somehow change back to the guy I first met. I should have let go long ago but I kept hoping he would finally see me for me. I know I deserved more but I wanted more from him. I wanted more love, more bonding , more communication and I kept believing he would give me that. My birthday is this coming month and I’ll be 30 and my whole life has been flipped. I had a lot of hope for us. Im mourning not only the loss of him but the loss of having a family and kids. I stopped my whole life to be with him and I feel almost blind having to find my way back to myself. I know I deserve more too but I can’t imagine my life with any one else. We weren’t engaged for long and I have to return the ring as we didn’t make make it past the return date . That’s going to be the hardest thing I will ever have to do. I have the longest road ahead of me and your post has given me hope that I too can have the strength to get through this. Somehow. Thank you

    • Diana Elizabeth

      Hi Em I am so sorry to hear that. If you need more words of encouragement, please consider the book In Repair, available on Amazon. There is an active private group on there that helps with support as everyone heals. Been very helpful to all in it.

  • Bianca Harmon

    My fiancé, and father of our child called of our engagement, on the phone in the airport when he was supposed to be coming home. Instead he stayed another night by himself saying he needed to think. He blocked my number, and didn’t text me till he was leaving the airport and said his best friend, the best man in his wedding would be picking him up and he would stay there for the night. I had booked a counseling session for us this Saturday. Well he sent me a text while on the plane that it was over, there was no going back, he put his all in us and didn’t feel appreciated and said I am mean and he can’t live his life like this. That’ he’s unhappy and has been. Then told me didn’t love me anymore. So how when less than 12 hours prior was he telling me how much he loved me, then BOOM doesn’t anymore. I’m devastated, feel abandoned, beyond heart broken. I don’t know if my older children can survive this, he was going to be adopting them. I also don’t want my 18 month old growing up in a broken home. I have replayed everything in my mind over and over and none of it is adding up to just running away from our love and family. 1 week prior to his trip he wanted to start trying to make another baby, I asked if we could please wait till after the wedding which is one month away. He sent me flowers while away with a card thanking me for taking care of our boy, and that I am the love of his life. 3 days before he ended things over the phone. He would always tell me I was the one person that understood him and now is telling me he can’t marry somebody that doesn’t understand him. I think that’s the part that gets me the most, the things he did for me, for our family, the things he said were not those of somebody that is unhappy on the verge of throwing it all away. I know I’m not perfect and I have my faults, but if he was so unhappy and about to toss it all after all the money, time, and effort I had put into it why not suggest counseling long ago? I’m not a runner, I fight for what I want and I love. I finally thought I had the one person that loves me and understood me and here I am now. Alone with our son, and my two children from a relationship when I was very young, in a rental I can’t afford on my own, a car I can’t afford on my own, he’ll a life in general. I gave up making a ton of money to stay home with our son and he was the bread winner. We live in a very small town in California that I honestly just can’t show my face in. Everybody knew how much we loved eachother and him me, but maybe he never did. I don’t know where to turn or where to go from here…

  • Meg

    Dear Diana,
    I wanted to say thank you for writing about your broken engagement. I really appreciate it, and your courage has helped me. My broken engagement story is a little different and I am still struggling and trying to find the healing I need.
    I was the one who broke off my engagement due to emotional abuse. I am still trying to find my worth and heal from the trauma.
    Thank you again so much for your bravery.
    Meg

    • Diana Elizabeth

      Hi Meg, I’m glad you landed upon my blog post. I find we have so many different stories but a common thread. I should have walked away from mine due to emotional abuse as well. I applaud you for having the strength to walk away. If you need more help with healing, please consider the book or audible and the links to a private support group on Facebook. xx

  • Natalie Krempa

    Hi there,
    I came across your blog post last week. I purchased your book right after my ex fiancé told me he wasn’t in love with me anymore and that his heart is not in it 2 months before our wedding. Then he came back so I decided to return the book, then yesterday he did the same thing. I just do not have any words and I feel numb and humiliated and just thinking back on what I did or did not do to cause this. I feel like I wasted alot of my years/time as I’m 32 and thought this was going to be my forever.

    • Diana Elizabeth

      Hi Natalie, I am so sorry you had to go through it twice. There have been several members in the group who have had their heart broken twice too. Sometimes we need to be sure, and though it hurts, that last time can awaken something in you – you deserve better. Sending you hugs and prayers. Please consider joining our private group if you haven’t already xx

  • GraCe

    Hi Diana,

    Thank you for this post. Today was supposed to be my wedding day. The first of two weddings. Everything had been paid for guest invites sent out. My dream custom wedding dress was made. Three months ago, he came home from work and just said “ we need to talk”. I never in a million years thought he wanted to break up with me. I thought maybe he wanted to change somethings on the weeding. 20 mins before he came home. I texted him to say “ hi babe I miss you” and he said “ I miss you too, I am on my way home babe”. Before he left to work that morning he kissed me on the forehead, as usual. And I went on planning the rest of the weeding. Now, I realize that in the month preceding the break up we had argued a lot more than usual. Mostly about the wedding. He was not fully involved in the planning process and I was frustrated about things not going right. Sometimes I took it out on him and we will get into an argument. I didn’t realize that these things are him away. He is a very easy going person and usually very calm in almost every situation. He treated me very well and will always be there for me when I felt overwhelmed at work or life. He is always waiting with a bouquet or a hug. He was a dream come true. We said I love you to each other maybe 5times a day. We prayed together, went to the gym together. Went to church together. He was very patient, kind and easy to love. My whole family love him and they are though with approval. My friends love him and loved the way he loved me. We were happy. At least I was. We had similar faith, financial goals and picture, cultural background. It was easy. I was happy. But he wasn’t and I didn’t see it. My heart is completely shattered in a million pieces. I couldn’t believe that this is the the same person who treated me like a princess. Maybe it’s too early to see the his faults and I am clouded in heartbreak. He didn’t just disappear, he took the time to tell me that he felt we argued a lot and might not make good partners in future. I tried to let him know that most couples have some arguments during wedding planning. But he was adamant that he wanted no part of the wedding. He said he still loved me but cant be with me. I am shattered. I don’t know how I can move on from this. I will be 35 in a few months. I want kids with a partner and that equally scared me. I cry like a teenager. I realize that I had never loved anyone this much. Our entire 7months of engagement was the happiest time of my entire life. Even when we had an argument. The last three months have been the saddest part of my life. Some days I can’t breathe. I pray and I scream at God. Like you, sometimes I scream and cry so loud, that I worry my neighbors will come rushing. One day I pulled over on the side of a bridge to cry so loudly because I couldn’t drive anymore. I have been so mad at God and at the same time grateful for my health, life, job and family. It’s a conflicting place to be. He’s moved on, and, I don’t understand why I can’t just move on too. Maybe, because I blame myself. My friends and therapist have tried to convince me to stop blaming myself . If he truly loved me, he would never have walked away. Without trying. I hide away from people and bask in my tears and loneliness most days. I go to work but can’t wait to get home snd into my bed and cry myself to sleep. It’s crazy. The second and bigger wedding is in three months. I hope to heal a little more by then. Thank you for sharing your story. Hopefully one day I can share mine. I feel like I am just living my life solely with the hope and faith that one day I will get over it. I have to believe that this was for a reason and all I am doing now is waiting for what that reason is. To make even the smallest sense of this. I will order your book hopefully it will give me a little more peace.

    #heartbroken

    • Diana Elizabeth

      Hi GraCe, thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry you are going through this but please know that God does know what is best. There are certainly so many emotions that come with this loss, a loss of dreams and a romanticized future, it’s so hard. I hope the book has helped and also that you are part of our private FB group. I look forward to meeting you there. xx

  • VANESSA GOMEZ

    Hi! I’ve reading your story for the third time now. My ex fiancé cancelled our wedding 3 weeks before actual wedding (Jan 22, 2022).
    All is set, invitations are already out, we already had our gown/suit, wedding rings that were bought one week before he called of the wedding. He said it was 6 months ago since he felt is he is ready or not, he said he is still immature and needs to be independent without me. He also ended our relationship. We’ve been together for 3 years. I feel betrayed, abandoned. He left me with confusion, trauma, emotional abuse and mental abuse.
    As I am reading your testimony, I felt like im reading my own story. It gives me hope and future, just wait and trust God’s plan and process. It hurts now but I know this pain will replace with joy and genuine love.

    • Diana Elizabeth

      Hi Vanessa, I’m so sorry, I understand that timeline, mine was 3 weeks before too. There is so much to say about this, but if you need more than this blog post and video, please consider buying the book In Repair on Amazon. I will meet you in the pages and though it is raw now, it might help with the healing process. there’s also an audible. You can join the support group linked in the back of the book as well. I am so sorry but please know that God absolutely knows what is best for you. It sounds like your faith is strong and will carry you through the days. Praying for you sweet. xx

  • Eleana Wehr

    Hi Diana,

    I found your blog post by googling how to get through a broken engagement. I’m still in complete shock after 2 months. We were together for almost 5 years and I really never see this coming. I cry every day and go through a rollercoaster of emotions. I needed to read this and while when I read it I found some hope and sense of community, I still don’t know how to get through this. I feel so much hurt, pain and sadness as well as anger. He was my best friend and I feel so lost. Most days, I just hope that I can stop thinking about him but I keep going there and listening to the idea that we may get back together. I feel like he lost absolutely nothing while I have been completely uprooted. I don’t know that I will ever understand how he was able to lose the love he had for me within a few months. I wish I could stop loving him but I feel like all it does is consume me. I was hoping to connect with you for additional words or advice to get through this all.

    Thank you ❤️

    • Diana Elizabeth

      Hi Eleana, there’s so much to say, please consider buying the book on Amazon for more – there’s so much advice on healing and prayers —> https://amzn.to/3ttBqwL There is also a link to the support group so you can continue this conversation with others who are healing. xx

  • LP

    This is getting me through … 6 years of him leaving 5 times to finally proposing in March of this year and then calling it off last Wednesday. We have 2 dogs that are brothers and my heart breaks for having to split them up again. This entire town knows us and the places we used to go his family goes to still. I went to a coffee shop Saturday morning and him and his parents showed up after. Laughing and carrying on with life as if I wasn’t their daughter in law … or as if I did something terrible to their son. He ended it on a Wednesday after he came home from soccer. He came up the stairs complaining about his mind and his thoughts and holding his head. Eventually saying he couldn’t go through with this and sobbing into the night.

    My heart aches from being left so…many…times. Each day I’m working to not go through the motions of I shouldn’t have argued or I should have gone along with his selfishness or just let it be. With every fiber I knew it was going to be him. The times when I was praying to hear from him and a text would appear after weeks of not talking during a break up … of running into eachother and unexplainable situations that made me believe this was our story. But you’re right. He left. He always leaves. This time was because I negatively impact his life and cause him anxiety.

    I’m broken for this home we created and the dog I will never see again. It’s almost too much to handle. My life is broken.

    Your words and your hope and your understanding help. I’m just too exhausted to think this could be better right now.

    • Diana Elizabeth

      Hi LP, I feel your story and pain. When you have a moment and need some words of encouragement, please consider the audible or my book – there is so much to say and our stories are VERY similar. I hope sharing mine and the healing process will help you, it’s fresh and please give yourself some grace. You deserve better. xx

  • Semanti Chakraborty

    I just have gone through this. The man with whom my marriage was almost fixed, is now backing away. I see only darkness around me and being a fatherless girl, I don’t see any way to get another alliance any soon. I feel like dying right now. I don’t want to survive.
    Could you please tell me what to do at this moment? I’m sure I’ll die if I don’t find my husband.

  • William

    My fiancée left me three weeks before our wedding day. We were supposed to get married October 30th. I’ve been so lost and so broken since. Found your video and have been watching it multiple times a day every time I start feeling down. Can’t wait for your book to be available paperback. Thank you for your post and sharing. It is really helping me. My broken engagement happened in a 48 hour period. No clue it was coming. Two days before we were together planning things and had things planned for the weekend she broke it off. Caught me by total surprise. It’s heartbreaking. But your video really has helped open my eyes and realize that it wasn’t me. It wasn’t my fault. I couldn’t have done anything to prevent it from happening. Like u said I really feel with every fiber in my body that I lost my soulmate. We were so happy and all the sudden it’s over. I sit and wonder if she feels the same as I do. Or ever really did. I feel like she did but she has many many outside influences that alter her thinking and finally she caved in to their wishes instead of her own. And I feel she’s going to suffer in the future because of the influences she listened to instead of what she really wanted. I was part of her plan. Our plan. But when she was away with her family I wasn’t part of their plan and I feel like that was the downfall of our relationship. They manipulated her to the extent that she broke it off. I miss her terribly and still love her more than anything. I just want the pin to go away.

  • Toronto

    Hey, Diana.
    I came across your article today as I was searching for something relating on weddings. Today was the day I was supposed to walk down the aisle in a beautiful church downtown, in the city of Toronto. Unfortunately, the wedding was called off by my fiance as he expressed he was unhappy and was not ready to get married to me. It was an extremely sad day for me today, I listened to wedding songs this morning with tears running down my cheeks as I neared the time when we were supposed take our vows. I switched off my cell phone and worked at my desk all day as I wanted to divert my mind. Everybody says whatever happens, happens for the best even if it happens a week before the wedding it’s all happening for a good reason. It’s been very painful that’s all I can say.
    God bless you for sharing your inspiring life experience with us. It was very encouraging and helpful.
    God bless
    Toronto

  • Ashley Goodyear

    Thank you for sharing your story, and more importantly your advice. My story is painfully similar, my fiancé breaking things off 25 days out from the wedding after we had spent all of that time investing in the wedding financially and physically, and in each other emotionally. I praise you for sharing this – especially as a Christian. The last thing I want to do is hate the person that I was preparing to spend my entire life with. Question: did you have to move after the breakup? I’d had moved to where my fiancé lived and now I’m having to uproot my life and go somewhere else and don’t even know where to begin.

    • Diana Elizabeth

      Hi Ashley, I’m sorry you are going through this. I have a book coming out soon if you can stay in touch and look for it. I did not have to move after the breakup, Phoenix was my home (I decided, I am from CA but made Phoenix home). He moved soon after. I would say if you moved recently and where you are doesn’t feel like home (friends, work) then by all means find a dream job and new opportunities and move! :) If you aren’t sure where yet, maybe find a place to reset for a little bit, home with your parents, other friends, or stay put. Nothing is ever permanent.

  • Amanda Salgado

    I’m going through a broken engagement. It’s been two months. It’s been most emotionally painful experience. He told me he wasn’t ready to get married, then left abruptly. I feel discarded and used. I know God is growing me through this. Your blog was great and encouraging.

  • Kim

    Thanks so much for sharing your story. It gave me hope. I was recently proposed to last month and three weeks in the engagement he accused me of cheating. I have an active life and a fitness instructor and he questioned my schedule.

    Anyway, we had the same issue 5 years ago and we broke up; and I gave him/us another chance. I told him if it happens again that I was done. We’ve had been together five years and he proposed and broke it off because of his insecurities and wanted to control me. Otherwise, a couple days later he comes back saying I need to admit to my infidelity; which I haven’t and never cheated, and wanted ME to fix it. Oh, and he forgive me??? I attempted to give him the ring back and he won’t take it back. Once again, controlling the situation. It’s a long story… I’ve cried so much and it seems like the days are longer, and the pain won’t go away. I’m have so many mixed emotions. However, God is good because I know he’ll get me through my darkest moments

    How long will this pain last?

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