No products in the cart.
Entertaining: Making a Guest List, Feeling left out, giving grace and MORE sensitive topics
Before every party or gathering I ask myself –
Do I want to make the party larger, or smaller? Who makes the guest list? Will I hurt people’s feelings if they aren’t invited? …
I have so many thoughts and wanted to share them and tips for hosts, and guests to keep a good perspective as invites happen or don’t, and the reasons why that more than likely have nothing to do with you. Let’s chat!
How I make the guest list: How I choose to invite
Anyone in my life will have an invitation to my house in some capacity. This is how I decide for every event – and if it’s not this party, it can be the next party, or brunch or private dinner at my house. There will always an invitation extended to anyone who keeps in touch and I do life with.
It is important to understand there are some friends who are introverts and don’t want to attend large parties. I notice the lack of attendance or their RSVP of constant no, so they will fall off my party invite list and instead, we get together in other ways.
I don’t take their lack of attendance personally when I know we are friends regularly chatting and they bring up wanting to get together in other ways.
how I make the invitation list:
- Location space and budget. My 40th birthday party was large, and included a snapshot of friends and their husbands that were important in my life during this milestone celebration! My birthday parties after (themed Princess Diana and Juicy Couture) scaled down at 13 including myself. These are the friends I talk to regularly. This number is also due to the quality of time I can spend and want to enjoy with these friends, and the format I want, I have a limited number of tables and chairs.
- If space allows, and the event is casual (no sit down), I invite friends I would like to make a better connection with. This is a tip I learned from my friend Lauren who has a lot of friends and hosts a lot of parties too! So when the same event or another is planned, when I make my guest list, I think if I have spoken to that person in the past year and made that deeper connection I was hoping to make. However, if they aren’t invited the following year, it certainly doesn’t mean an invitation won’t come again for another party, there is ALWAYS another party.
- It’s a specialty specific themed party. Like my Midnight Sun Twilight dinner party, I invited friends who were new friends or old I hadn’t seen for a while because I knew they would be wonderful company and have fun at these parties! I even invited a friend from social media I had never met and she came! I was so thrilled because she fit in so perfectly!
- There are different friend groups and I want to to be in all the conversations. More than 6 can be a little chaotic at a table when it comes to conversation.
Not every party or gathering has to be good friends. It can be a mixture of new ones, neighbors, old friends, or anyone you think you would enjoy their company. Mix it up, extend the invites and see who comes! You know in your gut who to invite, but don’t invitee because you feel obligated, no one wants a pity invite. Invite because you want that person there!
I used to keep church friends separate from old friends, etc. and I had a few friends who said, just mix them all! I was so worried and I don’t know why!! They are all amazing people and so kind to each other so it’s true, just mix everyone!
The point of this post is to know that it’s never purposeful to not invite someone, it’s usually space, theme, format, or vibe!
How to be a guest that gets inviteD AGAIN
- RSVP by the deadline even if it’s a no. No response is unacceptable. I will not invite friends who read an invitation but do not RSVP or don’t send me a message acknowledging it. I take that as a hint they do not want to attend any events I host.
- Remember invitations should be reciprocated if you are friends, or want to be. You can invite to lunch or coffee, you have to show you want to spend time with the host, not just be invited to their parties. A friendship needs to form in some capacity.
- Bring a hostess gift and/or card for the big events you know took time or a hosted dinner (unless you regularly eat there).
- Show up on time. I say up to 15 minutes late is OK. If you are running late beyond that time, simply let the host know. If I have an important event and someone is always late like an hour, I can’t wait for them and so they may not make certain events where timeliness is imperative.
- Offer to clean up – some hosts do not like this, so accept it when they say no. I think it depends on your relationship, and the party.
- Write a thank you card or send a text expressing thanks for the invitation and how much work you know they put into the event. (In my opinion this depends on the event, a birthday party you do not need to send).
A reminder if you see you weren’t invited
It can be hard to see everything on social media and feel left out but here’s my perspective.
- I do not have a single friend who has attended every single party I have hosted at my home. Not even my best friend.
- Sometimes it’s so nice to enjoy the details of a party in your pajamas on the couch! I choose to admire parties and take in the hard work everyone put in.
- Reflect on how involved you are as a friend, are you also creating memories for these hosts? Are you inviting them to things or at the very least communicating with them as a friend? That’s something to reflect upon. Top of mind relationships are usually top of mind when it comes to an invitation.
- Some of your friends host regularly and you are invited to ones where they feel you make the right fit so they can spend good time with you.
If I had all my friends over it would be 50+ people and I wouldn’t get enough quality time with my friends so that’s why I host often and in smaller groups!
What do you think? How do you make your guest list? How do you feel if you see a party and you weren’t invited?
POST COMMENT