When I sew + garden, I imagine I’m old

Somewhere between Hawaii and the main land

Late at night, when Mr. Wonderful has retired early for the night and my mind is spinning with the – must get this sewing project done, my mind wanders.

It’s quiet, and it’s just me, my thoughts, and the Lord.

As I listen to silence I begin to think about a lot of things.  First, I think a lot about relationships, heavily in fact.  I think about how much I love my parents and my younger brother, my dog Paris.  I reflect upon my friendships, some which have come and go, some I miss, others while close now I realize they will slip away with the busyness of family, life, and may never be the same again.  I think about how much my relationships have meant to me and that even though I have some solid amazing friendships, they each have their own lives and really my best friend is my husband who will never abandon me.

And as the quietness of the night sets in, I fast forward myself to another time – much older, and alone. Of course this is over a long amount of time, but I’m there I am in my thoughts, in a setting so familiar and my heart sinks.

I will miss my parents more than words will ever be able to express, or tears will ever be able to show.  I will miss my friends and their company and sharing old memories in our chats.  And I will desperately miss my bestest friend and companion, Mr. Wonderful one day when he’s called up to be with the Lord if he is to go before me, and I am sad.

Sometimes I think about other people and sometimes they aren’t as blessed to have people who love them so much.  I think about the times when I was really sad in my life and how my friends came and rallied by my side and helped love me back to life.  But in these quiet times in front of my sewing machine late at night, or out in the garden alone, I think about these sad times I have yet to experience.

And then I listen.

(Now bear with me, I know this sounds like a very sad post.)

Because I have been so sad, because I have felt alone, and because there were times when I was seemingly happy because enough time had past but deep down I was really still sad and worried people stopped praying for me, I remember.   I remember that even in midst of that horrible pain, sadness, feeling alone, I wasn’t.

It was just me and God.

And so when I’m out in the garden alone, or sewing late at night, and it’s just me and a sewing machine or garden trowel, I am with God.

So while time will pass, things will change, time, people, everything, as life does go on.  It is in these quiet times that I am reminded that He will always be there, and it will be me and him once again.  So I learn, to rely solely on the one who will never abandon or forsake me, my first love.

Diana Elizabeth saw a quote that said, “You are as close to God as you choose to be.”