Pool Flip-flop: Lilly Pulitzer (c/o) / Linen button down top: Lilly Pulitzer (c/o) comes also in pink and blue – wearing size small / 5” ocean board short: Lilly Pulitzer (c/o) – wearing size small for more modest fit, could fit in an XS / Coral beach tote: LoveStitch / Earrings: J.Crew / Cuffs: Kendra Scott / Wood watch: similar
The ocean is so healing. Nature in general makes me feel close to God and it’s a beautiful thing to stand at the edge of one world – land, and the start of another, the ocean.
I cried reading the response to my broken engagement post. I have to admit it was more painful than I thought it would be reopening a healed wound. I have revised that post at least 10 times since I published it with new thoughts and additional things I wanted to share. I could talk about it forever, what I learned, the pain, and truthfully over these past few days I got upset at myself for feeling emotional and for still having emotions about it even still to this day after all these years and so I want to talk about it.
There are moments of trauma in our lives. They are different for all of us. I can still remember that moment when I found out my dad had cancer, when I found out my dog died two days before I was coming home, and well, the wedding called off three weeks before. I think about my heart, my feelings and one thing I want to say is that I’m grateful to have a tender heart. I’m grateful to have put all my being, love, energy and self into relationships, projects, and to feel heartache means that it meant a lot to you. And I don’t want to go through life lacking passion.
I beat myself up often for feelings that I think my heart should be hardened about, but I don’t want a hardened heart. I’ve had one before and it might be great to be tough for a little while but living with resentment and bitterness is far worse than mourning with tears, heartache and choosing to forgive to move on. Of course some experiences or ending of relationships don’t conjure up many emotions because those events didn’t signify much. But for the ones that did, I want to be able to cry thinking about past pain or when friends or others are going through a tough time and be able to recall the growth and give wisdom on how I worked through it – and if anything, I have learned that I don’t ever want to intentionally cause pain to anyone who I love.
I pinned a few quotes over the years even ones that didn’t pertain to anything I was going through I at that very moment but great quotes I wish I read when I was going through tough times. You can see that quote board on Pinterest here. I was pinning so much at one point one of my good high school friends noticed and text me, Hey are you OK? You’re pinning a few quotes that have me concerned. I tell you, I am blessed to be surrounded by the friends I have and they encourage me to be a better friend.
I didn’t mean this post to get sappy, I just wanted to show you my beach outfit, haha. But when I see the sand, salt and sea, it brings me life, healing and makes me think of good things, and painful things. And even with those highs and lows of emotions I can still say I love the beach and I love life.
Thank you for being here and allowing me to share my heart and life with you. xx
Location: Carlsbad State Beach / Photos by Pantry Lane (the best food blog out there) / Shot with Canon PowerShot G7 X Digital camera – WiFi Enabled + Fujifilm X100F with Fujifilm TCL-X100 II Tele Conversion Lens