Hugging Friday

Marla in Hungtington Beach, Calif.

Today is a late post – I didn’t have one scheduled, and I have yet to get started on my day.  But because my heart is heavy, I figured I’d post for my weekend readers who catch up on their blog reading for the week.  Thanks for inviting me into your life and letting me share mine.

I love this photo because that’s exactly where I’d like to be right now, toes in the sand and water in California.  When you look at the ocean and you think, pray, and try to find hope in that space where the sun meets the ocean line.  Maybe you cry, maybe you sit quietly and breathe in deeply as you listen to the waves and the cool soft breeze tosses your short pieces of hair across your face.  That’s where I’m picturing myself right now – it’s my reset place.

Remember the post about my imperfect sibling relationship? That was just in June, and well, today is my brother’s birthday and he’s decided yesterday to cut ties and block my number from reaching his – all over email.  I know for most of you, you don’t do that, especially to family, but this is my sibling, and this is what he does and thinks is acceptable.  Despite his attacking words, I still decided to call him only to find that my call cannot be completed due to his block, this morning.  And my heart is broken, and I’m sitting here crying, tears streaming down my cheeks and pudding in my lap because I’m just sad.  I’m sad because I feel like there’s nothing I can do, or continue to do to make anything work.

Your family dynamic is probably so much lovelier than mine.  You probably live down the street from your siblings, have each other over for dinner weekly, and have the blood is thicker than water bond. Your sibling probably doesn’t defriend you on Facebook for the third time. The truth is, we don’t get to pick our family or siblings.  If you get along today, it’s because you choose to have the relationship that you do, which is priceless, lovely, and I’m sure incredibly gratifying to your parents.  My poor parents are currently in the holy land of Israel (getting baptized in the Jordan River) on a church vacation and was CC’d on the correspondence.

So while we all have our struggles in life, this is mine.  You can find success in one area, fall short in another, neither of which you have much control over.  While I share my highs with you, I wanted to be transparent and show my low, hoping that you know, God is in control, and to love and live your life, just as it has been given to you with and without the relationships you may have. I find peace that the bible is full of stories, of struggles, of imperfect relationships with family and at the end, God can still be glorified, so I cling to that truth.

Happy Birthday little brother.