A little bit of chaos in my life

Scalloped coat: H&M (similar, similar in yellow, low, poncho version) / Pants: Banana Republic / Bodysuit: Zara (similar I swear exact same!) / Heels: Schutz / Tote: India Hicks (c/o)

“I’m a model, editor, blogger, a creative director—” I rattled off as though it was a to do list, as I walked quickly toward the laundry room door to head inside, it was so chilly after our shoot. Phoenix actually had a real winter this year and I was over it.

“You’re also the CEO of your own company, an entrepreneur, you don’t have to wake up at 6 am and sit in traffic to head to the office—” replied my husband before I closed the laundry room door behind me shutting out the bitter windy cold.

We had just finished shooting outside, a quick shoot I wanted to tackle while we could, while I had a second of energy left and there was still light out. Energy in my body could be defined as fleeting and when running now could often be found in a 5 Hour Tea lately – a recent campaign job that upon discovery of its true ability to give me some energy without the heart racing, turned into dependency.

I kicked off my shoes, threw my puffy jacket over a dining room chair and had to change clothes – but not for a wardrobe change for another campaign. About 15 minutes prior I thought my night was free, forgetting about a dinner I had. Earlier that week I had a feeling that I might need a reminder so I put a 2-hour notification reminder on my calendar so it would pop on either my phone, laptop, or desktop, (thank you Apple), one device which I knew I’d probably be on at least two hours before the dinner. I was so thankful I did it, because I was on FaceTime Audio on my laptop to one of my best girlfriends (phone dead, charging in the office) and the reminder popped up.

“Oh my gosh, I totally forgot I have a dinner to go tonight,” I interrupted my own story I was sharing, “I knew I had to set a reminder so I didn’t forget and I totally forgot!”

I raced to throw on a new pair of jeans in attempt to feel freshened up, and continued to hit snooze on my laptop as I worked until the very moment I had to take off to meet for dinner.

Life can get busy. It can get overwhelming at times, and it’s not from being busy filling up your calendar with unimportant things – it can be busy from real things that require immediate attention whether it’s work, personal, or life maintenance.

And maybe Netflix isn’t on the to-do list and can seem a bit unjustified with the list that’s waiting to be tackled, but it’s the only time I can let my brain unwind (thanks Regan for the reassurance it’s OK).

I can – and will – blame the feeling of being overwhelmed on my home life. Undergoing a home expansion for three months would make anyone from feeling like their life was out of order (I know it sounds like I’m complaining but I’m genuinely not, it’s just a reality of any type of change in your home that requires some displacement for a while). But I’m so excited that we are 95% done with the bathroom, and probably 90% one with the actual living space/Murphy bed area.

So the list piles up, there aren’t enough hours. Or the actual weather puts a kink in your plans, your work plans (say what? Isn’t it always sunny and warm in Phoenix?!) You feel tired, stretched beyond your limit and that’s when I tell you to keep going, because this is what I’m telling myself at the moment. Make yourself get it done maybe it won’t be perfect (but done is better than perfect), and keep your commitments if they make sense, and cancel the ones that don’t – and say you’re sorry.

Reschedule, send a text to say hi if that’s all you can do instead of an in person hug, and know there’s no such thing as balance. Maybe balance exists for a few days, and sometimes one area in life requires more attention than another. But most of all, keep going.

Back at the house, I still have to figure out the curtains and also order a couple more chairs for seating. While I’ve had a few ideas from Pinterest planning months ago, pulling the trigger seems a bit harder now. Purchasing furniture online requires much more faith than a small house accessory, and the return process is dreadful if not impossible. Perhaps tonight I’ll finally pull the trigger and check out my basket on houzz.com.

Or maybe, because I need a break from work and meetings this week, I’ll sit on the couch binge watching on Dexter on Netflix – because that will be my temporarily glimpse of balance.